Ok i'm stuck here for duty. and i think (maybe wrongly, but still i think) that here is much more secretive than my facebook which people DO read. So i'm using this as an avenue to say what i needed to say for, well, about 30 hours.

I don't know how God decides this, but the thought-process (if you can call it that) is worth pondering. Does he throw 2 random people together and decide that sparks should fly?

I don't think i've seen myself connect on such a close level on the first (well second actually) time. let me think back.

Number one was mostly on a sub-primal level. I just felt i needed to take the plunge. The first time i felt good (like i'd achieved something, but after that, it kinda feel apart)

In the event of number 2, i don't think i really planned for it to go that way. i guess it was just the loneliness. well, dear reader, that didn't go to well too

Fast-forward to number 3, and i'm not going to let this fall apart. I am not, as what Keith feared, doing this just for the sake of it. It's because i believe in our compatibility. and plus, she's sweet.

wish me all the best folks.

Labels: Relationships

It's almost been a week! haha

Somehow the pain/anger/denial has subsided. Mostly because of my impending trip. Takes my mind of it.

No hard feelings. let us go back to where we used to be ok?

Nah i doubt you'll read this blog anymore.

I like having 2 day weeks. it's good. Better when it's abrupt and sudden. Increases the pleasure.


2 major events this week. Madness in Bangkok, and Massacre in Mumbai.

Firstly. No one condones terrorism. Innocents should not pay for political gain.
(This can be said of both cases)

But the incapability of the Indian authorities amazes me. It's been 48 hours since the attack, and there are still gunfights and bombs going off over the city.

(shifting to somewhere closer to home)

I think the PAD should change their name. To People who Oppose Democracy.

Seriously, their idea of democracy means giving more power to elites, and making sure that the rural poor have no say in government.

And to disrupt the International Airport is really too much. Don't you know how much harm this does to your own country?

Bleh the world is becoming stupider and stupider. I hope i don't get called a terrorist when i'm at immigrations at JFK.

Yeah, a North Korean spy. haha

Labels: Relationships, Terrorism

I realised that i've not posted a good blog entry here for a while. So sorry, i've been either busy or sian when i've been at home.

The time now is 0336, 011008, and i should be sleeping. But i'm watching Man U lead Aalborg 1-0. so i guess i'm happy.

I thought that after ATEC, life would get better, apparently it hasn't. There's still the stupid audits.

With my stores in a huge mess, and the lack of a proper recording system for ages, i'm screwed big.

Doesn't help that my only storeman is on ORD-mood. So is his whole bunk. fuck

And that the new boss has no idea that such a phrase exists "if it's not broken, don't fix it!'

damn i hate people who give me extra work to do. especially for reasons that are just stupid and long-winded.


Ok i'm going to enjoy this very long weekend. I need to think

why i've put this off for so long
why am i unable to put myself together to do this?
why can't i say what's really on my mind?
what's holding me back?

maybe it's the nagging feeling that it's not going to work out. that i might lose a friend so dear to me.

but the thing is

i can't go it alone. i feel incomplete without her. it's been a while since i've felt this way. in between i've plunged recklessly into things that i now regret.

damn time's running out! tick tick tick..

Labels: NS, Relationships

i reiterate my point. some people have ABSOLUTELY no sense of time.

or memory for that matter. or CARE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS!

ok i'm still bitter. but it good that i get it out of my head before i shave it.

but i think what someone else said to me was right.

'either you still have feelings for her, or you just want that kind of relationship'.

while she was right on the first point, she was only half-right on the second point. i don't want that kind of frivolous relationship. i need something personal, something sensitive.

but it would be more fulfilling than what i saw.

i ran and ran and ran, scaring somebody on the way. i just wanted to get away from the intoxicating atmosphere. one that filled me with bitterness and anger.

i mean, come on, i didn't even get a chance, after 2 long years... it's not fair...

God works in mysterious ways, sometimes it's just too incomprehensible for me. but well...

less than 48 hours to tekong! i also wanted to have someone precious to me in camp. but whatever. i have my OC, and PS and blah blah blah...

2 weeks later, its CNY!!

Labels: NS, Relationships

As they always say, a picture paints a thousand words.
so instead of a picture, i'll use a song.

it's usually the best way to express myself.



Wouldn't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5

I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
Oh
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

The taste of her breath, I'll never get over
The noises that she made kept me awake
Oh
The weight of things that remain unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you


i hate this. and it's not NS
somehow i think NS would be a welcome relief.

Labels: Relationships

It's December already!

the last month, number 12 of 12, the last 31 days of the year MMVII

and what a fast paced year it has been!

but not without regrets and all.

It really should not be like that. One failure doesn't mean permanent disaster. But the way it can take away your confidence, or make you too enthusiastic and willing to put caution to the wind.

(as i'm trying to piece together what i'm going to say, David Bentley has just scored a beauty for Blackburn against Newcastle)

but i don't know how and don't know why.


meeting the band people ytd was weird. never really connected with anyone of them except two, and one was in japan. Trying to talk to one only would give the wrong impression.

on a completely irrelevant sidenote, i should start learning how to drive.

see that's me. i'm random, i don't really concentrate on one thing, i employ a stream-of-consciousness kind of writing. i must be roddy doyle.

Labels: English A1, Relationships

While choosing the birthday present, i realised something.

if you snooze, you lose big time.

or if you don't take your opportunities, you lose bigger.

case in point, 16/12/2006.

everyone around you could see that you like her. even her ex, who was throwing you dirty looks throughout the whole of dinner. her friends told you 'don't talk with us, go and talk with her lah!' and giggled their way through.
you couldn't stage a rebuttal, you knew they were right. If not why would you spend so much on 2 concert tickets?'

'hey let's go to the roof, i wanna see what's up there',
but you didn't know how to

damn.

and now, she's attached with someone else, and you are staggering along with your life, living for EL P2's, EE's, TOK's etc.

case study 2

'hey you wanna go'

'yeh why not.'

when you felt better, you didn't bother to do anything. you twiddled your thumbs, and saw it fall to someone else. it's your fault. know that.

it seems that after one failed attempt (caused by indecision and basically balless behaviour on your part), another one comes swinging by.

C to D to E to ?

don't blow it again. you have (after the exams) all the time in the world. don't blow it...

Labels: Relationships

i haven't been doing anything productive for at least 7 days...

OK, i think doing my sis's test paper counts as 'productive'...

wah RGS maths is quite hard...

ever had that feeling that you should be forgetting about something (or somebody), trying to move on..

and then the Almighty deems that you must stumble upon something, something that would bring back all the memories flooding back to you..

you ponder, you reminisce, you smile, you think of the opportunity you missed...

you think of her smile, the first time she smiled at you, when she said..

'can you punish him?'
'oh yes i can' (laughs)

you think back on the year that you had (or wasted), year that everything you did went to nothing...

her smile was lovely, she was everything you wanted, everything...

it pains to see her, your brain stops, you don't know what to say, whether anything would be appropriate...

you remember why you fell in love with her.

Labels: Relationships

I can't mug anymore...

and i've a bit more confidence than i had during mids. well well.
here's to everyone having prelims/promos/finals/driving tests/whatever else...
good luck! God bless..

just came of reading person R's blog. In which R blogs about a person, I, who she had a feud with. On I's blog, there has been some people than have been flaming him, because person M stopped being friends-of-the-variety-that-this-blog-tries-to-ignore (or simply put, in-a-relationship-kind-of-friends)
hyphens give me tingles...

so anyway. To I, yes i know many people think about you in that way. Seriously.
to R, feuding in a civilized way is basically duelling with words, and we know how ineffective that is.
I don't care, i don't have such problems. There should be more to focus on besides shit like this.
all of you wanna go overseas to study right. than quit bitching and start studying...

I don't know what's wrong. Smart people i know, who aren't all that rich and all, just think of getting into a good course at NUS. while people i know who are way below that academic standard aim for foreign U's. They'll come back with the tag of 'went-overseas-and-study', and become (artifically) higher in status compared to us local uni grads.

See, money still rules. at least more than meritocracy.

content.language.poetic devices.theme.symbolism.rhythm.mood.structure
YES I REMEMBERED ALL THE KEY POINT IN ANALYSING POETRY!
(this makes EL A1 like another mugging subject)

Labels: Education, English A1, Relationships, School

Being doing Physics TYS, when i heard this.

This woman comes on the radio, complains about her husband being kinda paranoid, and restrictive on her privacy

(btw, this conversation is about whether it's ok for couples to check each other's phone)

DJ: So do you still love your husband?

Person: Yah lah, but...

and she goes on to list out her husband's paranoia behaviour on national radio...

Singaporeans... haiz...

blah blah blah blah...

17 years, 362 days...

Labels: Life, Radio, Relationships

It has been an interesting day (and night)

haha emotions can swing from the depths of despair, to utter bewilderment, to joy, and back to the former.

not my first time at this, dear reader...

Today:
Physics - Physics TYS
Maths - Maths Paper, TYS
Econs - Econs TYS
English - no one there..

TYS TYS TYS TYS!!!!

i think that is a brand of a swimwear company...

i think ashley is right and wrong at the same time.

Got forced to go for the NTU talk today. several comments:

I kinda feel that the meaning of an education is becoming very diluted these days. Firstly, the main point of the Admissions Dean was to promote the college as one in which you go in, get a degree, come out, earn a lot of money as a businessman/engineer etc and hopefully go on to win a lot of awards and money.

What's the point of an education? It should be to develop the youth, and prepare them for what's going to happen in life. It's not to prepare them to work at a job to make a lot of money, and more money.

Singapore-style education has one main flaw, in that it stifles creativity, and becomes a machine churning out academically brilliant students who go on to become famous scientists or whatever.

However, the stigma of being a 'creative arts' person remains. Singapore is continuously trying to become a more vibrant scene for the arts. But the general consensus is that those who take the humanities or arts in JC/Uni are the academically weaker students. My parents forced me to take two HL sciences because it provided 'more choices', although i already made it clear that i didn't intend to pursue a career in the sciences.

Even being in the IB, the general outflow of creative thought is not there (in my humble opinion). The grading criteria is made in a way that if certain criteria are not fulfilled, no matter the content, formating is the most important thing. For example, in the EE, as long as the candidate fulfills the format criteria, he can pass, regardless of the content.

I want a job that caters to my interests and strengths, and one that gives me a sense of satisfaction, not slugging out in a dead-end job with no future (like some grown-ups i know). Money, to me, is a secondary concern.

It interested me, that on the list of top 30 earners in Singapore, (in which apparently 30% are engineers by training) the top has no degree

Although the presentation tried to impress the audience by stating the number of awards, scholars and commendations, i think that the motivation for a tertiary education should be one of interest, not money.

so say we all..

Je pense que vous êtes vraiment mignon, mon ami !
Cafe, non?

Labels: Education, Relationships, School

It's kinda weird. You complain about all the shit you do, but when it's over, you miss the shit...

argh well, that's human nature.

It's been 22 hours without sleep. So i shall go and sleep soon..


why are all of them taken? damn...

Labels: NDP, Relationships, Sleep

I don't know..
ever since i've kinda given up on you, i feel that something's missing. Something i thought i had, than knew i never had.
Confusing?
Yes it is.

Life's a slog, grades are not the best... (although i claim aggrieved status for 2 out of 5 papers...)
damn those super ngiao markers. 36 points is like within 5 marks.... damn

Maybe it's for the best, maybe now i can focus on my work, as nothing else can be as interesting as you.

last IOC to do, the feeling is not satisfying at all, as my piece of paper on the wall reminds me that i have to study....



The place, Waterloo
The fate of the world will be decided here, now, today..

'Form up positions, men!' the young officer shouted. His men, dressed in bright redcoats shuffled their feet around quickly, nerves in the mind as well.
Any man would be afraid, especially a young Lieutenant, with his first action since his commission. He felt that he had nothing to live for. His girl just ran off with some rich Earl. His family was dead, nothing was worth it, he would like to die at the end of a saber, or at the hands of a musketball...
He quickly shut the thoughts out of his mind. "For King and Country', he thought. If anyone would die, it would be those French bastards...
A wave of expectation, coupled with fear, swept the line. What would le petit corporal think of now?
The rumbling of hooves answered that....

A wave of golden and blue appeared far on the horizon....
Never had he seen something so grand, so terrifying, and so bold as that line of blue, red and gold. Then again, he had never seen much anyway..

'Load!'

the mess of gunpowder and cartridges split all over the place. The men he led had seen much more action than he did, yet the powder went flying. They had never seen something so magnificent as well..

'God protect me'. He looked to the heavens. He never was too religious, but in the face of adversity, there are no atheists

The artillery opened up. The Imperial Cavalry picked up pace and charged through the mess of cannonballs, although some fell, everyone raced towards the line of scarlet and sliver.

'Prepare to engage cavalry! Fire on my order only!'

the formation was complete. 'Even that can't take a volley of muskets'. the young man thought.

100, 90, 80,70

'Vive l'Empereur!!!'
'Vive la France!!!'
the cries rang out, the cavalry picked up pace. no one's face changed a bit.

60, 50, 40, 30...

'Fire!'

Smoke erupted from the formation. The Hussars fell like sticks in the wind. It didn't seem like anything could come through the thick smoke.
still they came...

the collision was fast, and painful. Some parts fell to the momentum of the charge, some met the charge with a wall of steel...

He drew his sword and pierced it deep onto a onrushing Hussar. No quarter was asked, and none was given. He soon indulged himself in the killing.

The line was held, but at what cost?

Labels: Exams, Relationships, School, War

It's going to be an interesting week.

'So i don't wanna be the last, don't wanna be the first
Don't want to be alone with my thoughts tomorrow
Don't wanna be afraid, don't wanna look away,
I'm learning to breathe on my own...'

'love is just a requiem for the soul...'

It's no use denying it, i'm just going to say it now...

'i'll wait, and wait and wait
until you see
that there's only one that truly appreciates you.
one that loves you...'

no use being angsty and emo though...

GET ON WITH YOU LIFE!

(and study harder haha)

Labels: Holidays, Relationships

Which idiot gives three different directions to the same place?

what the hell...

got lost, ate at sakae sushi...

but i kinda liked it. just a normal conversation yadda yadda yadda..

haiz back to hit the books!

Labels: Relationships

This is the weirdest dinner i will ever have.

it's not my fault. I've tried.

Labels: Relationships

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